Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader, 2003

Well – we’re coming up on Valentine’s Day and it gives one pause to consider…who d’ya love.  Our programming for this day has us immediately turn to romantic interests and so I’ll concentrate on that – for the most part, but not entirely.  Let’s assume for the moment that you are in the category of coupled or wanting to be.  This is not to say, that everyone has that interest – nor should they.  But, as I said – we’re taking that as a starting point.  So what can Feng Shui do to help you in this respect?  A few things come to mind and they don’t all have to do with Mandarin Ducks.  DUCKS you say?  What’s that got to do with romance and partnering?

What’s Feng Shui Got to Do With It?

Here’s what.  Much of Feng Shui – the art of arranging your environment to support you in all of life’s pursuits – has to do with symbolism. 

The things with which we surround ourselves act as triggers for all manner of things conscious and sub-conscious.  Knowing this, it’s wise to create your environment with care.  If you want to have a supportive, nurturing relationship, you would not – for instance – put pictures of fighting roosters (nor any other critters that are known to be philanderers or animals of prey) in your bedroom.  It just does not conjure the coupling patterns to which most of us aspire.  

Quackery or Symbolism?

If this sounds like Quackery to you, well – that bring us back to ducks.    Mandarin Ducks are traditionally used in Asian culture to represent long-term, monogamous couple relationships – because Mandarin ducks mate for life.   So that’s one place to start:  you can use artwork, sculpture, etc. depicting a pair of creatures that mate for life as a symbol of what you want in your own relationship.  Other animals that mate for life are cranes, sea horses – as opposed to the riding kind – and many other bird varieties – to mention some possibilities.  Frankly, any thing that represents a healthy pairing will work – if it has meaning to you.  Keep in mind that in your choice of symbols you want two adult partners, because it represents balance in the relationship.  Many animal pairs represented in artwork consist of an adult feeding an immature version.   Stay away from that one if you want a relationship of equals.  You might also choose a pair of candles, two roses, a sculpture of an adult couple embracing.  In the reverse, avoid pictures of isolation, hostile environments or too much water.  Water is an element that has no boundaries, and every healthy relationship has good boundaries.  Who wants a wishy-washy partner? 

Other Symbols to Support Relationship

• Flowers (earth energy suggestive of nurturing):  silks are OK, fresh are best if you don’t let them wilt, but stay away from dried (remember – they’re dead)
• Color in shades of yellow, pinks or terra cotta
• Objects made of terra cotta or clay (also earth-energy)
• Heavy objects because they represent grounded ness
• Pictures of you and your sweetie – but not with the family, kids, the football team, etc.

Pictures

By the way,  while we’re on the topic of pictures,  you might consider removing family pictures – those of your children, mom, dad, and  any other pictures that are not of you as a couple from your bedroom.  If this sounds weird to you, think about bringing them energetically into the bedroom with you.  Getting a little crowded?    This is couple time folks, and it’s time to get focused on each other. You can share the entire house with the clan, just not this room.

So now that you’ve chosen something, where might you put it?  In terms of the Feng Shui map or Bagua, visualize the far upper right corner of the house or the room you are in.  That’s the one that relates energetically to Relationships.  The same goes for your desk, if you want to include that  in your model.

So now that you’ve chosen something, where might you put it?  In terms of the Feng Shui map or Bagua, visualize the far upper right corner of the house or the room you are in.  That’s the one that relates energetically to Relationships.  The same goes for your desk, if you want to include that  in your model.

(Find the Relationship area on the Bagua to the left and see how it relates to your home. If you want to organize a desk around this concept, where you sit qualifies as the front door. You might place a foto of you and your love-interest in that position.)

Bedrooms

But let’s get down to some “real life” issues:  people want to know what they can do in  their bedrooms to promote intimacy.  Let’s start with where to put the bed.   A general rule of thumb for the placement of the bed is the one that affords greatest privacy. 

Let’s start with where to put the bed.   A general rule of thumb for the placement of the bed is the one that affords greatest privacy.  This is true whether you’re sleeping with someone or alone.  In fact, it’s the same placement criteria as used for best rest, sleep and rejuvenation.  Ideally, you want to be able to see the door from the bed, but not be lined up with the door (that goes for bathroom doors too).  You’d like the largest possible view of the room.  It’s hard to sleep or get cozy if you’re always wondering who might surprise you walking through the door. 

Feeling Cramped?

Corner placement of the bed was a trendy things a few years back, and it’s used in a lot of wonderful bed and breakfast settings.  Yes, it’s looks cozy  – and it’s great for a bed and breakfast – because you don’t have to live with it every day.  The fact it – this placement becomes awkward for relationships.  Think about two grown adults climbing in and out of bed in the tiny little 15-degree angle that remains on each side of a bed shoved into the corner.  I get cantankerous just thinking about it and I’m a small person.  There’s not really enough room for a bedside table, lamps. phone, accoutrements – not to mention just getting in and out of a queen or king-size bed. 

Psychologically speaking it can result in each of you feeling like you don’t have enough “space” in the relationship. It may take a while to figure that out if you weren’t aware of this – all the while manifesting in all manner of arguments about “you never… I don’t have enough…).  You get the idea. Further, corner beds have voids between the headboard and the walls and this can cause one to feel uncharacteristically vulnerable or unsupported.  None of these emotions is useful in a relationship.

Balance in the Relationship

Now to the matter of bedside tables.  Yes – you both need one, even if you don’t always share the space.  This has to do with each side of the relationship being equally represented, sharing equal importance and being honored. It’s just as important if you’re not in a relationship, but want to be.  They don’t have to be the same or the same size, but they need to be balanced in visual weight using lamps, color or artwork to compensate for differences in actual size or shape. 

Clutter and Computers

Clear out the space under your bed.  In addition to collecting dust and fur balls, everything you have around you has memories or energy attached to it.  Storing your old divorce papers under your bed, un-finished projects? Nah – not a good idea.  It falls in the same category of having other non-bedroomy kinds of things in your bedroom. 

Computer desk?  OUT!  Workout equipment?  OUT!!  The desk to the left is lovely, but it doesn’t belong in your bedroom. Why? Because it’s really hard to unwind, sleep or get romantic when you’re being stared at by something that reminds you of work or something you “should” be doing. 

I once had a perfectly lovely, restful, large bedroom.  Large enough to bring in a computer hutch where I could work in private.  As Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman:  “Big Mistake!  BIG MISTAKE!”  I couldn’t sleep whether it was opened or closed.  I moved it out and again, slept like a baby.  The very fact of it’s being there disturbed my sleep, even when it remained unused.  I hear these stories all the time from clients who have cleared their rooms of such things.    One more tricky thing:  if the instrument of woe is in the relationship corner of your bedroom – it carries a double whammy.  It says to the psyche:  “relationships are WORK.”  And maybe they are, but we needn’t add to the load. 

Re-ignite the Spark

One of the things I hear often from new parents or couples who have been together a long time is that they have misplaced the spark of being  “a couple.” We wear so many hats these days,  sometimes we even forget which one to put on or take off.  If you want to rekindle the couple role, carve out some time or space that is just yours.  The bedroom can become a romantic retreat; the bath – a “spa.”  Warm up you bathroom with a couple of candles, bath salts, soft towels and maybe some music.  Nothing calms the soul and washes away the worries of the day like taking a little time for ourselves.  Maybe you’d like to give or receive one hour of a luxurious soak in a tub of lavender or rose scented hot water, with good music and a candle burning.   We begin to rediscover our humanity and our connected-ness when we came come home to ourselves. 

Flying Solo?

With all the commercialization around Valentine’s Day, one would think that everyone in the world was part of a couple.  And if you are not – well join the parade.  No reason to feel left out.  I’ll tell you a story.  One year on February 13, my then husband moved out of the house.   He chose this date because he liked the symbolism and it added drama. He was hoping to stain my memory of Valentine’s Day forever.

Well, it did emblazon it in my memory, but not for the reasons you might think.   The next day was fairly traumatic, but in years since I have celebrated that day as the beginning of my liberation of self. The next year, he sent me an Un-Valentine card.  By that time I had regained my sense of humor  and realized it was a statement about him, not me.  I had begun to really understand and appreciate the stuff I am made of.  I have celebrated with friends and alone, and each is satisfying.  Instead of ignoring the day or feeling  “left out” I choose to embrace the celebration of love – of self, of being alive, of community, of children and the gifts of wisdom I have received as  part of every relationship, regardless of outcome or status.

All Relationships Begin with Self

Embrace the state of being able to make choices  that reflect the essence of who you have become and the wisdom and self assurance you have gained as a result of  all of the people you  love and have loved.  Don’t let anyone rain on your parade.

Whether you are solo or flying with a partner, remember that all relationships begin with the relationship to self.  You cannot receive from others what you are unwilling to give yourself.  Do you want to be cherished?  Cherish yourself – by calmly setting good boundaries and taking stock of your own talents and gifts.  You and others will see you in a different light.   Reread this article through a different lens, and recognize that each of us has a partnership with SELF.  Do the things that you thought of doing for your external partnership or the one you want to attract, and do it for YOU.  Each of us carries ying and yang, masculine and feminine, dark and light within us.  The very things that nurture romance, nurture the partnership within.  And taking care of that partnership takes care of us and every other relationship.

From my heart to your: Happy Valentine’s day

The post Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.

Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader, 2003

I don’t know about you, but I’m not big on New Year’s Resolutions. I feel guilty before I even start. Besides – they have always tended to be the same – and too general to do much good. You know the ones: loose weight, make more money, exercise, have more private time…. These are all noble pursuits, but why not just say “Live a better life?”

Specificity

The problem with resolutions is one of specificity and the fact that they are usually grounded in something negative that we are trying to “make right.” Face it: you wouldn’t be making a resolution like “Loose 10 pounds” if you hadn’t eaten everything that wasn’t nailed down during the holidays. So that worthy thought is really rooted in the frustration that you gained weight in the first place. It’s the same with things like make more money, etc. Most resolutions are based in something that didn’t happen last year or something that did happen and we would like a magic pill to fix.

So my approach is a little different. And – yes – it’s grounded in Feng Shui, but for different reasons than you may have guessed. A lot of folks think of Feng Shui as a form of decorating or a somewhat esoteric practice that’s hard to apply to everyday living. While it’s true that a space that has been Feng Shui’d might feel like it’s been re-decorated, Feng Shui at its core is about transformation – using one’s environment as a blueprint. It involves getting clear about what you choose in all of the major aspects of life, and integrating those with your environment.

Creating the Vision

Prior to a consultation, I ask my clients to be as specific as possible about their goals, using the Nine Life-Aspects detailed below. Create the vision, stopping just short of the point where intellect kicks in as says, “No Way.”

That heart’s desire, once fleshed out, is brought to the conscious level and then into the physical world through symbolism and other mechanisms. How’s that? Well, Feng Shui uses symbolism as a way of reminding us about our aspirations. The next step is to think about what might symbolize each desire and place the item in the space according to Feng Shui guidelines. Every time you see the object it acts as a trigger to remember that specific goal. In other words, it keeps our goals, intentions, wishes, desires) always close to the heart, lifts the spirits, creates a visual image, and literally brings us closer to the event becoming real.

The Nine Life-Aspects

The Nine Life-Aspects are areas of life we all live, but may live them in different ways and with different balance. Each area impact the others, so achieving as much balance contributes to well-being. They are:

• Career (New Opportunities coming to our door)
• Knowledge and Wisdom
• Family (also New Projects)
• Prosperity
• Reputation (Fame)
• Relationships
• Children (also Creativity and Future)
• Helpful People (getting help from the world around us) and
• Health. Each aspect has a strong influence on the others.

Getting Clear About Intentions

In setting resolutions, which are nothing more than our goals and intentions for the New Year, using these categories helps integrate the disparate parts of daily life and create a synergy that supports us.. As I said earlier, the concept of “be Happy, or Live a Better Life” is far too vague to really help us on our way toward that goal. Anyone who has ever worked with kids, project management, or motivating groups knows that the simple admonition to “Do Better” isn’t worth the breath it takes to utter the words. First it implies that someone isn’t doing such a great job and that is the death knell to motivating anyone. This brings us to the issue of the language we use in writing our intentions: write them in present tense, and choose words that empower, staying away from should, have to, more, less, ought to, etc. Now, make your list and check it twice.

Sharing

If you really get into this, here’s another thought. Although you should write your aspirations in private, if you are part of a couple or a family – it can be an amazingly powerful process to sit down together and talk about what you would like to see develop in each of area.

Write your thoughts down on a piece of paper, place them in an envelope (red is great because it’s symbolically powerful and it emphasizes the importance you place on the process). You can put them all together, stand in a circle and say a prayer or a blessing over all of them. My family has done this around a campfire as a way to welcome in the new year and it’s powerful and fun.

Rituals

In China and in other cultures, one practice to send these hopes and prayers into the heavens or the universe is to place these prayers or intentions in a flame and burn them. The rising smoke

I symbolizes energy being released so that it can be returned as your wishes- fulfilled. The New Year really does symbolize new opportunity and this is a lovely way to commemorate it.

Further, once you have written down your aspirations, give some thought to what object might be meaningful to act as a reminder when you see it.

For example, if your wish is to increase your earnings in the coming year you might reflect on what making more money means to you. Does that translate into luxury, time to be with your family, safety, travel – what? One client who associated money with feeling loved, chose a small tapestry purse because of the memories attached to it. Seeing the purse reminded her of the abundance in her world.

Symbolism

Feng Shui books are full of suggestions for totems, crystals – amethyst for abundance is one example, baboo is another. Don’t go there unless something on that list really knocks-your-socks-off and has relevance. There are too many other more personal items that speak to you specifically. You needn’t buy anything. It can be a poem or affirmation you create and placed with an attitude of mindfulness.

Feng Shui books are full of suggestions for totems, crystals – amethyst for abundance is one example, baboo is another. Don’t go there unless something on that list really knocks-your-socks-off and has relevance. There are too many other more personal items that speak to you specifically. You needn’t buy anything. It can be a poem or affirmation you create and placed with an attitude of mindfulness.

Every religion, community/tribe observes the practice of ritual as a way of bringing the interior quest into the physical world and honoring it. It’s powerful and it works. It’s not magic and it’s not superstition. It works at a very deep level and signals our commitment to our ideals. And once we are committed – all manner of things begin to conspire to help us reach our goals.

Happy New Year! May it bring forth the best in all of us!

The post Resolve to Evolve appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.

Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader, 2003

I wish I may, I wish I might – have the wish I wish tonight…..

Interesting, don’t you think, that old expression “Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.” On one hand we are taught as children that wishing is a fantasy. Fairy Tales tell us that “wishes really do come true.” We are told both “You create you own reality,” and “Wishing doesn’t make it so.” So what’s true in this mix? Well, if it were one of those trick multiple choice questions our college teachers, the SAT, GRE and all the others love so much – I would have to choose “All of the above.” But with some explanation.

Passion vs. Fear

In previous articles, I’ve introduced the idea that we certainly have a hand in creating our present and future reality. Also, that positive thinking alone won’t do it – you have to passionate about the desire. Being passionate in either direction will do it – fear pulls in stuff, just as joy does. So I would modify the “Be careful what you wish for – by saying, “Be careful where you spend your emotional time, you might just pull in more of the same.”

If a person can embrace that concept, the next question is usually, “But how do you stay out of the negative and move toward something more positive. Or how do you keep your goal in mind and support it with the excitement of reaching it (rather than the fear of NOT reaching it)? There are some good tricks available from – yep – Feng Shui.

Psychological-Feedback Loop

Most people think of Feng Shui as the art of arranging furniture to be able to create an inviting space… and that’s true. BUT, and it’s a big “but,” – it’s far more than that. Feng Shui is a method of getting clear about what you want in your life, then creating an ergonomically sound environment, rich in the symbolism that keeps you constantly reminded of where you want to be and go. It supports you in your goals, by keeping them at the forefront of your physical, mental, and spiritual worlds. Carl Jung (left), the famous Swiss psychiatrist (1875-1961) called this a psychological feedback loop.

There is a sector in the Feng Shui map or Bagua that relates to the Future, although on most Baguas you will see it defined as Children or Creativity. Understanding that Children represent physical Creativity brought into the Future, helps make sense of the fact that the Future sector is also is associated with bringing projects and desires into the future.

Look Right!

The position of that sector is 45 degrees to the RIGHT of the primary point of entry into a room or a house (via the architectural front door). Put another way, if the entry is in the middle of the wall, (see Front Door Positions in the Bagua image to the right) then the Future Gua falls at the 3:00 position. We know, through the science of Merchandizing, that merchandize placed in that position in the room will sell faster and for the highest price. Pretty interesting that both a 5,000 year old esoteric philosophy and a statistically based science like merchandizing agree on that position being a very powerful one.

News You Can Use

So here’s some news you can use:

• Choose a specific “heart’s desire”
• Find a symbolic representation of that desire ( i.e. a picture, sculpture, phrase, etc)
• Place the symbol in the Future area
• While placing it, state your intention about the desire
• Be observant for subtle changes, interactions, etc that relate to the goal

Superstition: Not really

Some folks wonder if this isn’t just a little superstitious. Well, merchandizing is not based on superstition; if something sells – it sells. The action at work in Feng Shui (a science of observation) is that of looking obliquely-right when we enter a room. Check it out for your self. Every time we walk through the door, we unconsciously notice whatever is displayed on the right. We may even lose conscious awareness of it, but it imprints on the brain just the same. What we are constantly reminded of becomes part of the subconscious – reminding us of our aspirations. Conversely, if you have objects around you that have a negative connotation, you begin to think and feel negatively – placing limits on yourself.

The Power Position

Here are a couple of real life examples. You can interpret these facts however you like, but the “coincidences” are interesting. The first has to do with a client whose home I helped organize. Nearly every room needed work, both in clutter busting and arrangement.

Her husband’s office started with him working with his face to the wall and back to the door. We moved the desk to its most commanding position, known as the power position, and got it organized. In the process we found a picture of a diner in San Francisco (city changed to protect privacy). We hung it in the Future area, because that’s where it worked. There was no current plan or desire to relocate there.

(Note: Position #1 to the left is the power position. Image: from my book, Moving Your Aging Parents)

A week or so later, the husband, who had never requested a transfer and whose job was secure, got a promotion which required him to move to San Francisco. They sold their house and moved within a month.

Subliminal Reminders

Another story involves one of my sons (now 20) who received a large poster made by combining two smaller posters of his favorite things: fast cars and a dense redwood forest with a mountain stream and a bridge leading to a small cabin. This poster – with the title “The Motivation for Higher Education” looked like a clever underground garage housing five super fast sports cars – under the canopy of the redwoods. I’d hung over his desk, where he could see it from his bed and – when he entered his room. And yes – it remained there, in the Future position, for about 6 months and I replaced it with maps.

Choosing an alternative to college, we had reserved him a spot in a fantastic, month long intensive experiential home building course in Vermont or some such place. The week before he was to leave, he broke his heel bone. Not only is this bone nearly impossible to break, it’s nearly as stubborn to heal. He had to be off his feet – no crutches for this break – for 6 weeks, eliminating any possibility of his going to Vermont. He was morose. One night, he stayed up surfing the Web – not usual for him.

The Realization

The next morning he announced his new passion was racing cars. The only school with a racing program that would also teach him a “practical skill” was Jim Russell Racing School at Sears Point Race Way in Napa Valley – northern California – home of great wine and giant redwoods. It wasn’t until we were cleaning out his closet, getting him ready to leave that I re-discovered the poster in his closet. That’s when it hit me – and it still gives me a little chill when I realize the connection.

The little cabin by the stream was waiting there too and up for rent, though we decided on something less primitive. Although he was a normal teenage boy, with fantasies of having the fastest car on the planet, racing had never been in his vernacular as a career. But we won’t go there… Now he’s flying helicopters in Oregon and I WANT TO KNOW WHO GAVE HIM A PICTURE OF HELICOPTERS!!!!!

Do with this, as you will. It’s another example of how the objects in our surroundings impact us and more importantly how we can consciously use artwork and accessories to create a path for ourselves.

As always, I welcome your calls, questions or stories. Let me hear from you at [email protected]

The post Planning for the Future appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.