Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader, 2003

They’re coming! Ready or not! In fact they all seem to be here at once – if you believe what you see in the department stores. Well before Halloween, I was seeing Christmas paraphernalia. There’s something unsettling and off-putting about seeing Santa and Menorahs snuggled in there between the skeletons, cobwebs and spiders.

Starting with Halloween

I’ve heard talk about the fall and winter holidays being combined into one major holiday. Lousy concept, but the constant selling of Hanukah, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas leads one to wonder if it’s not already happening. Will it be called HanukHalThaMas? Sounds like a dinosaur… However we define it, the premature hawking of these and other holidays in an effort to jump start consumer spending also jump-starts the assorted stresses that go with the season and can sap energy.

Holiday Overload

Personally, the anticipation of the holidays is always tinged with the angst of anticipated overload and feeling cluttered on all levels – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. There’s the fact of shopping, some of which I want to do and much of which feels like a chore or an obligation to fulfill someone else’s fantasy of what the holidays should be.

Emotional Clutter

Then there’s the emotional clutter: memories of past holidays, expectations (both mine and other’s) and trying to keep up with previously set benchmarks of decorating, buying, cooking, and trying to create the “perfect” Kodak moment, memory-building holiday. The mental clutter of lists, obligations and simply trying to keep up with the normal chores of living add another layer of stress.

What’s to Do?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a scrooge, but I think some of this has gotten out-of-hand. As a culture, we are spending and hurrying more, but enjoying it less. What’s to be done? We have some choices here. Just because the media is on the fast track, doesn’t mean we have to climb on. Just as we can de-clutter closets and offices, so can we get rid of the excess baggage we carry around about holidays. Keep the parts you like – those that have meaning, and support you. Let go of the rest . It’ll help you enjoy the real essence of the holidays, whether it’s Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, whatever.

Re-imagining Your Holiday

Determine what each of these holidays really means to you in terms of family, tradition,  spending, emotional and spiritual impact, and energy investment.  What do you WANT it to be and how you want to integrate it with the rest of your life (i.e. the Nine Life Domains of Career, Wisdom, Family, Prosperity, Reputation, Relationships, Creativity/Children. Benefactors and Health)  Start there while you still have some lead time.  And then…

RESTRUCTURE

A Few Ideas for Restructuring

Here are a few ideas that I know have worked:

Set healthy boundaries. Keep the activities, people and events on your list that are consistent with what you discovered in your soul-searching. Gradually eliminate other tasks or delegate to those who want them. Plenty of “requirements” disappear when the folks who require them have to take responsibility for making them happen. You don’t really have to do everything others expect of you, nor all of the things you expect of yourself. Take stock, prioritize and streamline. And be prepared: not everyone will be happy about your desire to simplify, but it might have the benefit of their examining their own priorities. If you discuss how the simplification process will actually leave you more time and energy to be “present,” that may help. Be patient and “strong of heart.”

Engage others. I know this sounds like you’re running a business – and to some extent – you are. The same things that work to get employees and partners involved can work on the home front. Instead of doing everything to turn out the Better Homes and Gardens holiday, include family members or staff in your game plan. It engenders a sense of ownership and pride in what’s happening. Furthermore, it builds the tools for them to create traditions and comfort for themselves once out of cocoon. Also, remember that if it’s required to be “perfect,” they may resist doing anything because they know it can’t reach those standards. “Perfection “fallout” can continue when they flee the nest if their internalized model of perfection makes it hard to be alone and experiment with creating their new traditions.

Making Space

Get your kids (age 3 through 93) clean out their closets and toys bins (a.k.a. workshops, craft rooms, etc); and give items that are “like new,” gently used to a church or organization like Blue Santa . For kids, this is an exercise in sharing and an opportunity to feel the joy of unattached giving. It has the added value of clearing the way for the new “stuff” that comes during the holidays. Finally, it keeps them productively busy and reduces the “gimme” aspects of the season.

Recharge and Simplify

• Recharge, renew and re-focus often.
• Physical: 3X/week – walk, swim, dance or other aerobic exercise
• Mental: 10 min. break every 2-3 hours. Quite time (a cup of herbal tea, sit down, music, healthy snack for example).
• Emotional: once a day fully engage with your spouse, your kids or yourself. Listen, give from-the-heart feedback, laugh, cry…feel.
• Spiritual: bring your integrity to every moment, follow your inner compass.

Simplify parties. Instead of spending the pre-party week cleaning, cooking and shopping consider the possibility of a pot-luck where you provide one main item. Or – have a gift trade where everyone brings one wrapped “mystery” gift of something they’re ready to re-cycle (e.g. books, CD’s, previous gift items). Everyone gets a number and a chance to choose a gift. Each person following #1 can either choose a mystery gift or take a gift from one of those already received. The person who has to relinquish a gift, gets to repeat the process. This is an easy, low overhead party and more fun than most.

You can apply these same concepts to any endeavor to help create balance, creativity, focus, passion and joie de vivre. And remember: it’s not the destination that counts, it’s the quality of the journey. Enjoy your holidays – whatever and whenever you celebrate.

The post Holidays: They’re Coming Ready or Not appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.

Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader, 2002

This piece is a bit of a departure form the “tongue in cheek” fare you’ve received from me in the past, but it is no less authentic. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this season – both in terms of it being Chanukah and Christmas, as well as it simply being that time of the year when the focus turns inward.

What’s Important to You?

As we enter this season, our thoughts turn to loved ones, peace, celebrations, feasting, giving thanks, shopping – decorating – shopping – decorating – more shopping…. You get the idea. With ever increasing commercialization surrounding virtually every holiday, it’s easy to lose the real meaning of the season. And whatever it is – it’s a personal one. It’s actually helpful to sit down, get quiet, and make a list.

For some folks, it is primarily religious; for others a way of connecting with friends and family and for showing people we care. Somehow it is easier to give a plate of cookies to someone at this time of year, than it is to say a heartfelt “thank you.” Christmas and Chanukah give us permission to express joy, gratitude and celebration when our more reserved selves might have a harder time at any other point in the year.

Too often this time of year brings on feelings that we need to compete with our previous spending levels. Maybe we lack the funds. Alternatively, we might like to do something more personal, handmade or symbolic, but others expect us to buy something. If we haven’t considered it ahead of time, it easy to allow outside influences to constrain us into rituals we may have inherited, but that no longer fit us. We feel compelled to honor them even though we would rather redesign them. In that light I’d like to make a proposal that we give ourselves permission to create the holiday that is right for US, our families and our heartfelt desires for this season.

Permission to Simplify

So often I hear, “Oh how I would like to simplify this year!” Sometimes “simplify” relates not so much to “how much” but quality. It might mean something like becoming more “mindful” of what we are doing. Have you ever found yourself trapped in the mall at the last minute, bleary eyed and frazzled simply trying to find SOMETHING – on Christmas Eve?

Well – here’s a thought. Before you get to that point, this would be a good time to think about how you really want to experience this season. There are no “rights” or “wrongs.” It’s absolutely as personal as how you would like to experience any other moment of your life. But instead of doing life by “default” i.e. living it in response to everyone else’s mandates, for just a moment F-e-e-l what it would be like if you could construct it from your heart.

Shift Paradigms

We have, for the most part, become excellent responders and crisis managers. When asked, “What do you want?” how often have you responded – “I know what I don’t want.” In my contact with groups and individual clients, I am struck by how often we approach what “we want,” through the back door. We want peace, but we approach it through anti-war rhetoric or the war against something. Professing to want more time with our families, we orchestrate complicated schedules. Then we even defend against what is taking up our time. When “all roads lead to Rome,” but you want to go to Paris, it makes sense to build another road. Create a new map – a new way of getting to where you want to go. Try a new paradigm.

For more years than I can remember, we have been hearing about ”positive thinking.” It’s a good concept – as far as it goes. There is no question that thinking differently changes our view of possibilities. In fact, it literally changes the opportunities available to us – partly because we begin to recognize more possibilities. But it gets better.

Quantum Physics?

Quantum physics sheds some light on this business of thought creating reality. This branch of science reveals that everything is energy – and everything is connected. Furthermore, it’s where physics, neuroscience and spirituality meet. You may have heard the expression “You create your own reality either through default, or through conscious intention.” Any of you who know me, know this is my mantra. I see the most amazing life changes when people finally identify what they truly want. Once they shift their thinking and emotions, new circumstances and opportunities evolve. No, it’s not always done in a heartbeat, but it could be if we could let go of our old rule set long enough to explore a “new road.”

While this might sound a little esoteric, or a little “new age,’ it’s been around since biblical times, before there was he science to explain it. “Ask and ye shall receive.” Here’s the trick underlying it all. It has to do with the emotion you are feeling at the time you set your vision and how you maintain that. It also rests on underlying belief systems and you sense of worthiness.

Emotions hold the key

The Native Americans had an expression: “Your dreams are carried to heaven on the wings of an Eagle.” In setting your intention, it works this way: your goals (dreams) become real (are carried to heaven) by the power of your emotions (on the wings of an Eagle).

In other words, whatever you are feeling at the time resonates with events of similar frequency. You can think positive thoughts all day, but if you do it from a foundation of fear, anger, worry or depression – guess what events resonate,? Other events resonating with fear, anger, worry and depression show up in your field. The good news is, you can shift your emotions by managing your thought process. which in turn changes the synaptic response and the neurotransmitters released!

Breathe…

So, this year, when you find yourself in a snit having stood in the gift wrap line for 30 minutes, or after the cat jumped off your refrigerator landing with each of his four paws in a separate freshly baked pie (actual event from my childhood) – take a breath.

Before you skin the cat, or call off Christmas/Chanukah – go to your fantasy vision. Get in a good mood and set your sights on what you want. You will find – more and more – that in spending a little mental energy on how you would like things TO BE, it will become so. Look for signs of “miracles” in every gesture, every moment, and every kindness. If you want joy – give joy! If you want peace – give peace in your heart of hearts.

Be the Change

Ghandi said it best: BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah. May this season bring you the hope of a child, joy in the present, peace in the contentment of life, and a belief in miracles.

The post ‘Tis the Season to Simplify? appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.