Then I remembered soon enough to save myself from total humiliation, that ,”Have you been lost?”  or more literally translated, “You have been lost?” is a traditional Ugandan way of saying “Oh – you’ve been gone a while!”  No sarcasm intended, not accusatory, just “Hey – we’ve missed you (or noticed that you were not here)!”

Such are the cultural land-mines one faces, and I find it is more of an opportunity to get face-to-face with my own foibles than anyone else’s.  When I came here, part of my quest was a spiritual one i.e. “Who am I in the absence of trappings, marriage, family, house, career and other shields to hide behind?” So I had to laugh at how easily my insecurity about “being late, not being responsible, etc. ad infinitum”  was triggered.  And after that is a whole list of other trigger points that really come to the surface when one is a stranger in a strange land.   One of  those is the concept of “us” and “them.”  That one is interesting, because in one field of thought, each of us is but one aspect of the holographic universe and as each of us evolves, the planet evolves.  In the opposite direction, any time any one of us casts a negative aspersion on someone else or ourselves, we all are impacted as one organism. Sort of like the experiment where one plant’s leaves are burned, and it is registered by other plants in the same room even though they were not burned.

Another great expression which creates a bit of a stir is:  “You’ve been sleeping around?”    (Uh-oh…)

That one really means, “Oh you slept somewhere else?”  (Whew!)

I could go on, but my mood has shifted as has circumstance since I wrote this 5 days ago and I’m wondering if anyone else felt the burn I got on my foot Friday night.  No one????  Well – there goes my theory.  More later.

The post Have You Been Lost? appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.

Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader, 2003

They’re coming! Ready or not! In fact they all seem to be here at once – if you believe what you see in the department stores. Well before Halloween, I was seeing Christmas paraphernalia. There’s something unsettling and off-putting about seeing Santa and Menorahs snuggled in there between the skeletons, cobwebs and spiders.

Starting with Halloween

I’ve heard talk about the fall and winter holidays being combined into one major holiday. Lousy concept, but the constant selling of Hanukah, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas leads one to wonder if it’s not already happening. Will it be called HanukHalThaMas? Sounds like a dinosaur… However we define it, the premature hawking of these and other holidays in an effort to jump start consumer spending also jump-starts the assorted stresses that go with the season and can sap energy.

Holiday Overload

Personally, the anticipation of the holidays is always tinged with the angst of anticipated overload and feeling cluttered on all levels – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. There’s the fact of shopping, some of which I want to do and much of which feels like a chore or an obligation to fulfill someone else’s fantasy of what the holidays should be.

Emotional Clutter

Then there’s the emotional clutter: memories of past holidays, expectations (both mine and other’s) and trying to keep up with previously set benchmarks of decorating, buying, cooking, and trying to create the “perfect” Kodak moment, memory-building holiday. The mental clutter of lists, obligations and simply trying to keep up with the normal chores of living add another layer of stress.

What’s to Do?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a scrooge, but I think some of this has gotten out-of-hand. As a culture, we are spending and hurrying more, but enjoying it less. What’s to be done? We have some choices here. Just because the media is on the fast track, doesn’t mean we have to climb on. Just as we can de-clutter closets and offices, so can we get rid of the excess baggage we carry around about holidays. Keep the parts you like – those that have meaning, and support you. Let go of the rest . It’ll help you enjoy the real essence of the holidays, whether it’s Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, whatever.

Re-imagining Your Holiday

Determine what each of these holidays really means to you in terms of family, tradition,  spending, emotional and spiritual impact, and energy investment.  What do you WANT it to be and how you want to integrate it with the rest of your life (i.e. the Nine Life Domains of Career, Wisdom, Family, Prosperity, Reputation, Relationships, Creativity/Children. Benefactors and Health)  Start there while you still have some lead time.  And then…

RESTRUCTURE

A Few Ideas for Restructuring

Here are a few ideas that I know have worked:

Set healthy boundaries. Keep the activities, people and events on your list that are consistent with what you discovered in your soul-searching. Gradually eliminate other tasks or delegate to those who want them. Plenty of “requirements” disappear when the folks who require them have to take responsibility for making them happen. You don’t really have to do everything others expect of you, nor all of the things you expect of yourself. Take stock, prioritize and streamline. And be prepared: not everyone will be happy about your desire to simplify, but it might have the benefit of their examining their own priorities. If you discuss how the simplification process will actually leave you more time and energy to be “present,” that may help. Be patient and “strong of heart.”

Engage others. I know this sounds like you’re running a business – and to some extent – you are. The same things that work to get employees and partners involved can work on the home front. Instead of doing everything to turn out the Better Homes and Gardens holiday, include family members or staff in your game plan. It engenders a sense of ownership and pride in what’s happening. Furthermore, it builds the tools for them to create traditions and comfort for themselves once out of cocoon. Also, remember that if it’s required to be “perfect,” they may resist doing anything because they know it can’t reach those standards. “Perfection “fallout” can continue when they flee the nest if their internalized model of perfection makes it hard to be alone and experiment with creating their new traditions.

Making Space

Get your kids (age 3 through 93) clean out their closets and toys bins (a.k.a. workshops, craft rooms, etc); and give items that are “like new,” gently used to a church or organization like Blue Santa . For kids, this is an exercise in sharing and an opportunity to feel the joy of unattached giving. It has the added value of clearing the way for the new “stuff” that comes during the holidays. Finally, it keeps them productively busy and reduces the “gimme” aspects of the season.

Recharge and Simplify

• Recharge, renew and re-focus often.
• Physical: 3X/week – walk, swim, dance or other aerobic exercise
• Mental: 10 min. break every 2-3 hours. Quite time (a cup of herbal tea, sit down, music, healthy snack for example).
• Emotional: once a day fully engage with your spouse, your kids or yourself. Listen, give from-the-heart feedback, laugh, cry…feel.
• Spiritual: bring your integrity to every moment, follow your inner compass.

Simplify parties. Instead of spending the pre-party week cleaning, cooking and shopping consider the possibility of a pot-luck where you provide one main item. Or – have a gift trade where everyone brings one wrapped “mystery” gift of something they’re ready to re-cycle (e.g. books, CD’s, previous gift items). Everyone gets a number and a chance to choose a gift. Each person following #1 can either choose a mystery gift or take a gift from one of those already received. The person who has to relinquish a gift, gets to repeat the process. This is an easy, low overhead party and more fun than most.

You can apply these same concepts to any endeavor to help create balance, creativity, focus, passion and joie de vivre. And remember: it’s not the destination that counts, it’s the quality of the journey. Enjoy your holidays – whatever and whenever you celebrate.

The post Holidays: They’re Coming Ready or Not appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.

Reprinted from The Austin Homesteader,  2002

Ever find yourself muttering “Now – where DID I put those keys, screwdriver, car-proof of insurance (sorry officer I know I put it in a safe place …..).  It’s like those squirrels!  They spend half the summer and fall burying nuts and tidbits in a safe place so they can find them in hard times.  If it’s such a safe place, how come they’re frantically diggin’ up your entire yard trying to find the little buggers later.  If you’re identifying with the squirrel here, you may have a problem with ……. CLUTTER. 

Where Did it Go?

You know those Christmas presents you bought in the summer for 75% off, then went home feeling all smug and efficient, and put them in a place nobody would find them?  Well, did you find them?   If your answer was “yes”, but not until you were looking for the BBQ equipment next summer, this article may be of some interest.  Clutter is the real reason everything important goes on the refrigerator door.  It’s the only thing in the house too big to misplace. 

OK, you’re right; everyone has these “moments” of forgetfulness.  I too have wandered the mall parking lot looking for my car.  I have occasionally misplaced my keys, put the screwdriver in the fridge, and  milk under the sink.  But we’re talking chronic, can’t find it, embarrassed to have people over, late for work, can’t iron your clothes because you can’t find the iron or the top to your favorite suit, would answer the phone if you could find it, etc. kind of chaos.

Managing Your Energy

Whether you are a true “keeper” or organized to the max, the fact is that you have devoted your energy to everything you have in your space and in your life.  An item becomes clutter when: you don’t use it, don’t like it, or can’t find it when you need it.  Everything in your life either supports you or sucks your energy.  Things or relationships that are broken, stacks of things you should have done or events you feel you should attend, items or acquaintances you’re hanging on to out of guilt or other pressures are things that drain your energy.  Things that make you feel good to hold or look at are not clutter, even if you rarely use them, because they support your energy.  The same goes for social “obligations.”

Everywhere you look these days, there’s some mention of clutter, or how to organize, simplify life.  Has life become soooooo complex that we have that we have to get instructions about de-cluttering from magazines?   In a word – Yep! 

Noise

Why – because we are so continually inundated by noise (another form of clutter) – auditory, visual, olfactory, tactile , social- that we have become a society of responders.  It’s the squeaky wheel syndrome and at some point the clutter in our lives screams with such excruciating intensity that we have to pay attention.    Computers were supposed to create a “paperless society.”   Yeah – right.   I don’t know about you, but I don’t completely trust having everything in a black box subject to power surges and viruses.  So there are hard copies to file, back-up discs, etc.  

We have more things demanding our attention whether or not we invited them in.  In order to keep up we have to take an extremely pro-active role in protecting our boundaries.  Made a donation lately? Now your name is on the call list for 30 more charities.  Subscribed to your favorite magazine? 

Now you get a daily stack of junk mail offering you everything from instant “skinny” to new and improved body parts. But don’t you just feel compelled to open this stuff??  Well I used to be, but no more! Mail comes in three categories:  personal hand addressed items (keep these – they’re becoming collectors items), correspondence/bills from places we KNOW we have accounts, and all the rest which can be thrown away/shredded without guilt or examination.

Create Your Own Quiet with These Strategies

There are hundreds of books, kits, and related products defining systems to help you organize.  I’m not going to try to summarize those here.  But after years of working with clients, family, myself, and businesses I know there are a few techniques that work for everyone – no matter what your personal style is.

Find Your Emotional Triggers

The first biggie when you hit the clutter wall can be summarized by the question, ”How do I know what to keep and what to throw.”   Nearly everyone gets into a tug-of-war of emotions vs. intellect in going through their “stuff.”   Here’s a trick that bypasses that process, with items that don’t have to be kept for tax or legal purposes. 

Make a list of 20 people you know – first names only and the first that come to mind, not ust friends.  Have someone call the names out and pause after each name. Notice how you feel when you hear the name.  Usually, it’s quite definite.  You may feel a lightening of your mood, or an instant tightening of the chest or knot in your stomach.  Feelings can usually be categorized as positive or negative.  The trick is to stay out of the “logical mind” that tells you “of course I like that person, I’ve known them for 20 years.” while that may be true, how do you FEEL about them?

So what in the world does this have to do with clutter?  The point of doing the exercise  is to help you identify what it feels like in your body when a physical thing has a negative impact on you.  Turns out, the same feeling you get from people-associations, occur with objects .  With people, it’s easier to identify the feeling – if it’s the first time you’ve done something like this.  Once you can identify a “body feel”  you can transfer the process to objects . 

Some things will be more obvious – like he mask on the left. Maybe it’s from a grand expedition that brings back great memories, but if it reminds you of the great-aunt you dislike, find a way to let it go.

Take Emotional Inventory

Take a stroll through your house and do an emotional-inventory. Stand in front of a piece of furniture and feel what happens.  Continue selecting objects until you begin to get some “hits.” You may be surprised.  Now move onto smaller objects. Hold one in your hand – Does it feel good or creepy?  It won’t take long before you know the instant you look at something or touch it, whether it results in your feeling good or down about it.  Use that feeling as your keep-or-toss-indicator.  This technique will save you untold hours of agonizing

OK!  Equipped with this intuitive tool, you are ready to change the world.  Too grand a goal you say?  Not really.  Each time you change a little portion of your immediate space your approach toward living becomes happier, more positive, more creative and productive.   These small steps are life changing and empowering. In effecting change in a portion of your life, you mastermind change all around you.  If that’s a little esoteric,  you’ll like the next step.  You get to gather “tools” and get ready. 

Gather Your Weapons/Supplies

Before you start, don’t forget to charge your light saber.  In other words, be prepared.  What you’ll need:

• You’ll need at least three boxes (labeled KEEP, THROW, and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW), rubber gloves for avoiding paper cuts and bites of small animals that may be hiding in your piles (just kidding), markers, adhesive notes, snacks and water.  You’re going to sort everything in your drawer/closet/ etc. into these three boxes.  This is a quick sort – don’t start agonizing!  That’s why you have the “don’t know” box. 

Start Small

Next, select a s-m-a-l-l project to get started.  Instead of attacking the whole craft room at one time, start with one drawer.

Start sorting.  Just sort.  Do not “pass Go, “  do not collect $200 (it’ll take too long to find it). In fact do not GO anywhere.  Many a project has been derailed by taking just this one thing to another room, only to be ambushed by another drawer in need. Just say no …and stay put.  That’s also why you have all your materials and food right there. Later, you can take your KEEP box and deliver objects to rooms, saving yourself hours of time.

Imagine the Result

Finally, imagine the project finished – how it will   look, feel, smell.  Every successful designer, artist, marathon runner I know sees the project at completion before they start.  It helps. If you need someone to help give you a “jump-start,” you might trade time with a friend willing to sign a blood-oath to keep you on track and not suggest you go to the movies instead – later, perhaps, as a reward, but not instead of!

The office to he left was total chaos, lacking even a path into the room. The mental vision of it completed, helped us start.

If all of your friends tell you they’d rather go through a tax audit, there is still help.  There are actual humans who will come to your home,  help you go through your clutter in a non-traumatic way, and assist you in developing an organization system that works for YOU.  I’m one of those people and I like it.  It’s fun for me.  I know it’s perverse, but truly it makes me happy.  Clients say “ gee, I didn’t know this would be so much fun and look what we accomplished!”  I hear these stories from other professional organizers.  Why?  Because we are not emotionally attached to your stuff and that’s exactly what makes it so hard for you, the owner, to deal with it.

Hiring a Pro

If you’re going to hire a Professional Organizer, find out how they work, how much input they want from you and establish firm guidelines about criteria for “getting rid of.”  Check credentials and references and determine if they have a specialty.  I’m a member of an association called National Association of Professional Organizers, and I recommend you make that a requirement of anyone you select.    An ethical professional will not get rid of belongings/paperwork etc. without your supervision and thorough guidance regarding what is permissible to throw away.  Finally, find someone you like (you’ll be spending a lot of time together).  In order for a system to work over the long haul, it must be an intuitive fit for the client.  You must also communicate what approaches have worked or NOT worked in the past.

Remember, “The moment one definitely commits oneself, the Providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”  (The Scottish Himalayan Expedition, by W.H. Murray)

Happy Clutter Busting!!      And stop that muttering!

The post What’s All This Muttering About Cluttering? appeared first on Nancy Wesson Consulting.