by Nancy Wesson
Re-printed and updated from Divorce 360, April 2008
After my divorce, I’m trying to move forward and seek a new relationship. I have pictures of my ex around because I want the kids to feel that even though their parents divorced we are still there for them as parents. I’ve been told I shouldn’t have such pictures around if I’m trying to attract a new romantic partner. What’s your opinion?
Pictures for the Kids
First, I commend you regarding your support of your children and wanting to maintain their sense of security regarding parenting! Having pictures in their rooms sounds like a good idea. You could also make personal albums for them to remind them of good times and maintain continuity. Adding pictures as you create new history with them will send communicate to them that they are still secure in their relationship with you as parents, regardless of the divorce.
But Not in Your Office or Bedroom!
Regarding your own pursuit of a new relationship, I recommend you remove pictures from your office and bedroom for several reasons.
- First, pictures with your ex remind you consciously and subconsciously of the issues you had with your spouse. In turn, that can interfere with attracting a healthier, new partnership. Past history tends to color what we believe is possible in other relationships. Moving forward, old patterns can doom us to choosing partners with similar core issues, unless those are brought to a conscious level and addressed.
- Further, when you do find a romantic possibility, pictures of your ex bring their energy into play. When that happens, there are three people in the relationship, emotionally speaking..
- Finally, and most obvious, is the fact that your new squeeze may think you’re not quite over your ex, but you’ve probably already figured out that one!