by Nancy Wesson
Reprinted and updated from Divorce360, April 2008
Since I’ve been separated, I’ve had trouble sleeping. My bed is right in front of the door and a friend told me I should move it. How can that help?
Take Charge of Your Sleep
Although problems with getting recuperative rest are common during times of stress, the position of the bed can greatly impact your sleep, even if life is going smoothly. While you’re asleep, you are already at your most vulnerable. Why? because, as a species, we are not conscious of things going on around us when we sleep.
Most animals (includiing ducks and fish) sleep with one eye open, but not humans. Instead, we let the right brain do the work of sensing threat. Since it’s fairly common to feel exposed when considering divorce, our sense of vulnerability intensifies. Emotional vulnerability, is often felt physically. It may be the first time in decades that we’ve lived alone. Consequently, we tend to be more acutely aware of this in the evenings and when sleeping alone.
Create a “Safe-Zone”
It usually doesn’t occur to people that the position of the bed could add yet another layer of tension. But, because the brain is always doing its risk assessment, bed position is a big deal. If the bed is directly in line with the door (so that a person walking straight through the door would run into the bed) the brain registers more risk, even if we know rationally that we are in a safe place. So what to do?
Your friend was right—move your bed if at all possible. Yes, we want to be able to see the door, but that doesn’t mean we have to sleep in front of it. The ideal bed location affords the largest view of the room and a view of the door (positions 1 or 2 in the diagram to the left.) That way you have both privacy and security.
And… Jettison the Work Stuff While You’re at it
And while you’re at it, think about removing things like the television, computer, clutter and work-out equipment too! We tend to sleep better when we leave our work, our to-do list and the nightly news out of the bedroom.