by Nancy Wesson
Re-printed and updated from Divorce 360, March 2008
I’ve just moved into the first home I’ve ever lived in without my wife. The dresser in my bedroom is one we shared for eighteen years. It reminds me of all the turmoil of the divorce and because it’s the first thing I see every morning, I start the day feeling negative. I can’t afford to replace it. Got any ideas?
Re-script the Memory
Furniture can have strong emotional associations and a piece you shared for so long in a space as intimate as your bedroom, can really bring up old stuff. If it’s the first thing you see in the morning, it can ruin your whole day—so consider moving it until you have some distance from the divorce. Often, just using a piece of furniture in a different way can lessen the intensity of the feelings surrounding it. For example, in the image to the left, a dresser is repurposed as a breakfront n the family room.)
We tend to re-use furniture for the same purpose they were used in the previous house. Using pieces in totally different ways, can make it seem like we’ve re-decorated. So don’t’ be locked in to the old patterns. Think outside the box!
New Life for an Old Dresser
Depending on style and quality, the dresser might be used:
- Behind a free-standing sofa as a console, with lamps and accessories, to hold linens, work supplies, etc.
- In a guest room where you don’t see it as often
- As a break-front in the dining room
- As storage in the garage.
In its place, use a storage piece that doesn’t hold such automatic memories. A TV armoire can also hold clothing, by adding shelves or bins. A bookcase, filled with handsome baskets can serve as a functional and attractive substitute for dresser drawers. After a while, you might discover that you really love the old piece and be able to reincorporate it into your room. If all else fails, change the knobs or drawer pulls, to “make it yours,” move it to a place in the room you don’t lay eyes on it at first blink in the morning or trade with a buddy.